The Link

I've been dealing with some pressure lately, trying to find a job, helping at home, keeping my family's spirit up and also trying to go out with friends.

To be honest things are not going as I expected and I really have no fucking clue on what I should do,
building myself up from what happened last year was the most dificult thing I have done in my whole lifetime.
Having the present thought of a girl that you are no longer able to love.
Yes, it was a heartbreak, everyone goes through those eventually, but what I experienced was a big fucking loss, I did not expect that outcome and most certainly did not want it.

Fast forward to 2k17, life moved on, I had to move on from what I didn't get and I made it alive, if anything I'd say I made it here a bit less like myself, I've grown somewhat cold to what used to be feelings to me.

I'm still a sensitive guy even if I don't show it, I'm still the same guy that would do anything for anyone, but still, I'm not happy.
This month I began to think on what was it that made me so happy before?
Simple answer? The Link.
Long answer? The ability to connect to someone, the comfortableness of being able to talk to another person, say whatever you fucking want and you know that they would understand it.
That person that has a connection with you wouldn't just be a friend, because a friendly link is really what it is, it is friendly, then I began to think, what changes from a friendly link to and actual LINK.

And again, to be completely honest I don't know and it's kinda bugging my brain a little bit, purely because there are no words to describe it.
Only actions can describe such link between two people, a straight look, a hand hold, or a ten second hug (the latter is also my fav).

I tried to form this link, and it has gone terribly wrong, I don't even think it's possible to forcebuild one, simply because the real life interaction needs to be there.

I don't really mind not getting replies to the text's/dm's/msg's I send, everyone has shit to do and I came way after all those responsibilities, I just think that, someone that tries to form a link, gives it away really easily that it's their intentions, this could be wrong though.

The Link has made me happy and afterwards only made me curious, and to be curious in this world is to be bold.
From this day, I don't really care if I show too much of my personality or too much of my depression of being in a disfunctional family, everyone has their problems and dealing with mine has taught me that we can't give up, never.


sidebar: I'm also really good at solving my friends troubles, and to be honest, sometimes it feels good to help someone go through what you already survived.

The end

Today was the end of something I have cherished for a very long time, a brothership that never sank, no matter how bad things got, we stuck together for 20 years and shared great moments with each other and friends.

We're look alikes but personality wise we're very different, I would say he's more active, but he's also more deceiving, meanwhile I'm lazier but I'm trustworthy.

Why did it have to end?
It's simple, there are some boundaries even when it comes down to family situations, betraying your family's trust is not allowed.
But we're givers, and we gave him another chance at being a family member, but it has happened again and we've become distant, I can't see a reality where I'm still friends with my own brother.

It's sad really, saying goodbye on such a harsh note, just look at me, taking my time to write this shit and feeling sad about it when I never really had control of what was going to happen.

Breaks my heart to know that he received the same education as me but he didn't seem to follow it, or even remember it at all, he's way to different than we've set out to be.

I don't really care about job preference or really any taste whatsoever, but compulsive lying and reckless behaviour must not be tolerated on family grounds.

We were brothers that grew up together to become men of the 21st century.
I guess now I'm just a lone wolf with no Soul brother to sail by my side.

My warmest regards to myself because I've tried really hard to turn this over to a positive situation, but it just seems impossible, but while trying to cope with all the family issues that have been ocurring in the last months or so, we also had to deal with the shittiest atitudes you could expect from a family member.

Of course you will be missed.

AQ




(No image because nothing can describe the amount of sadness we carry right now)